Labor Days

Five years ago a friend set up a website for My Half of the Sky. I didn't get the chance to use it—as KOMENAR publishing had different plans. And, while recently the publisher gave me the green light, my friend had moved onto different projects. So any updating and setting up of a website was now in my lap. Ugh.

This past weekend, my computer engineering husband took pity on me with my html-code cheat sheet. But even with the two of us hovered next to the screen, we spent all the holiday sighing and looking at the ceiling and asking the screen, “What do we do now?” Days of intense labor. Please come take a look.

I had a worst-books kind of week. I just read a book put out by a big publisher (Houghton-Mifflin), so I assumed it would be wonderful. The writing was choppy and disjointed with points of view popping up for no apparent reason, with chapters hinging on unbelievable details (like a guy having sex with his girlfriend and not noticing she is five months pregnant.), with main characters acting deliberately dumb. The author got lost in what felt like a moral crusade to preserve life. The book was instructional to me on how not to write. But gosh, it was painful to read. Have you read anything good lately?

An interesting book and fascinating project

Last weekend, I had the chance to hear Ying-Ying Chang talk about her new book, The Woman Who Could Not Forget. I had not heard of the book, but I knew Mrs. Chang was the mother of Iris Chang, an incredible author who wrote several books including the most definitive, well-documented (and readable) book on the rape of Nanking. Iris Chang suffered depression and shot herself in 2004.

Her mother, Ying-Ying, in an effort to squash rumors surrounding her daughter’s death, wrote a book. It’s a charming read, one that is so sad, yet so full of hope. She talks about Iris’s life as a child, a mother, a writer. One line stuck out for me in an e-mail Iris had sent her mother: “Words are the only way to preserve the essence of a soul.”

So true in many ways.

Iris Chang believed words were one way to be immortal—marveling at the works of Churchill and Darrow and Napolean. Another author believes that words are one way to keep the soul alive. Masha Hamilton, who has also written many wonderful books-- my favorite being the Camel Bookmobile—started a writing project a little over two years ago to give Afghan women a voice.

I've been following the project since its infancy, marveling at the stories these women share, despite the danger to themselves and their families, despite the long and arduous journeys they must often make to get their words out. This month, I am privileged to get to work with some of these writers.

Please stop by Afghan Women Writers Project, see what they’re writing about, and leave a comment or two. Your comments and encouragement mean the world.

A New Convert to the E-Reader

I never caught the e-reader bug. I bought one for my mother and tried it out. But I prefer having a book in my hands, turning real pages, going back to a passage I enjoyed without using a "search" function.

However, a dear friend recently gave me a Kindle and I thought I'd try it again. I didn't even get the chance. My children swooped down on that thing like pigeons spotting a bread crust.

What's so fantastic about that is none of my children were avid readers. They would read their school texts and maybe a few extra books for pleasure each year. But that was it...

Until the Kindle. The week we got it, my son devoured an entire series. My daughter, who fought for time, read two books. I eventually broke down and bought another one--this time a Nook, as I understand colleges are making materials available on it.

I'm now a devout worshipper of this device, and enjoy knowing that the kids are scrolling through book after book after book.

Book of the Week: Eden Close by Anita Shreve. Shreve's use of language is always a treat. This story is too. A thirty-something man returns to his hometown for his mother's funeral, to pack up the house. He plans to just get in and out, as his high-powered job in New York is calling. However, he begins revisiting memories, including those of his friendship with the girl next door.

I'm In Control

Recently, my younger son was struggling with grades. I wasn't sure what the problem was. He's intelligent. He's capable. So, why all the missing homework? The low test scores?

I kept asking him, "What's the problem here?"

"It's nothing," he kept saying, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm in control."

I trusted that elegant pronouncement....for a long time. Then I found a place called All Minds Matter.

The first question the Academic Coach, Caitlin Hoffman, asked was, "Does you son have a cell phone with him when he studies?"

"Of course," I said. "But you know these young people. They're so capable of multi-tasking."

"No, no, no," she said. "Take the phone away when he studies."

The first time I took the phone away, it was like taking opium from an addict. But I wrenched it from his hand. I put it downstairs near me. I was doing some research.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. The thing went off.

I found my spot again and continued reading.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

I was interrupted mid-sentence and forgot what I'd just read.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

That damn thing went off--with someone's text--every five minutes. The noise alone made me lose focus. I could just imagine my son attempting to study anything. Unless it only took four minutes to do, it wouldn't happen. It was an eye-opening experience. And I came away wondering about my own forays away from the page. The occasional click to check e-mail or look at ratings.

It's nothing, as my son would say. I'm in control. Or am I?

Books of the Week: Lost Names by Richard E. Kim--Kim writes of a young boy growing up in northern Korea during WWII. He takes you through the injustice, the fear, the hunger, the sorrow of growing up in an occupied nation as a young boy, and the exultation yet concern of being suddenly set free with the end of World War II as a teenager. It's a lovely story, and I only wish he'd kept going to deal with the moments when North Korea became a state in its own and yet another war broke out. Oh, wait, he does. But, it's another book. (The Korean War) Goody.

Rescue by Anita Shreve-- This more recent book of Shreve's is of an EMT who falls in love with a woman he rescues, and then must deal with the fall-out of that disastrous relationship. The writing is beautiful, of course. It's an interesting read.

Yes, and...

Tina Fey in her book Bossypants, which I've already lent out so I can't quote from, talks about tricks she learned doing improv. She'll stand on stage and her partner will say, "Hey, Mom, I just realized I'm from Mars." Instead of saying, "No, sweetheart," she'll say, "Yes, and isn't that a wonderful realization?" In fact, the rule of thumb in improv is that you don't use the word,"No." You accept any and every suggestion which is thrown at you, and move with this new body of information.

Just for fun, I started counting the times I say (or think) No to someone else's ideas, beliefs, suggestions. (I decided improv would not be a good profession for me.) Seriously, though, it hit me this week, as I was struggling with my manuscript, that one of my critiquer's ideas --to add another character's voice-- was just what I needed. When she had initially suggested this six months ago, I thought, "No way. She's nuts." If only I'd read Fey's book earlier.

So I've decided the Fey approach might be the key not only to improv...but to writing, to life in general.

Books of the Week: On A Night Like This by Ellen Sussman: The main character of Sussman's book discovers she has cancer and is going to die very soon. She is a mother of a teenager, and has no other family around. I kept thinking, "How can this story end well?" This is going to be maudlin and mushy and sad. It wasn't. While there were a few too many forays into discussions on love and dying, it was an interesting and meaningful read. One that will stay with me for a long time.

Bodysurfing by Anita Shreve: The book reads like a poem--throwing out images rather than holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction. I, at first, thought this would get tiresome. Instead, I stayed up half the night wanting to know what happened next. Shreve has a way of placing you right there in the middle of the action--and lots of it. I hated for the story to end.

Surely even Kipling expected us to take a water break

My eldest daughter sent me three e-mails this week. All one line, no frills updates. She wasn't coming home, as she wanted to take summer school classes; she wanted me to edit a donation-request letter for her Medical Brigades trip to Honduras; her wisdom teeth were bothering her. I had heard about all these activities (minus the wisdom teeth), but hadn't realized just what a pile it had become. I picked up the phone to find out how she was doing. She said she felt stressed--thus the short e-mails. I listened to her schedule which was jammed, every unforgiving minute full of sixty seconds worth of distance run, until January of 2012 and understood why. I had the urge to grab onto her, make her look back a moment from whence she'd come before moving on, make her take a water break. Surely even Kipling intended us all to do that.
Talking with her inspired me to take my own advice. This time of year is always stressful. It's the end of the school year--my children are already celebrating with beach days and pajama days. I'm still trying to force out another chapter--some days even another paragraph would be welcome. After talking with my daughter, I got on the computer, not just to stare at the cursor on my current chapter, but to look back at all the projects I've done over the year (and okay, I looked back even further.) I got lost remembering the fun of that project, the inspiration for that, the multitude of tasks I'd forgotten I'd accomplished. I haven't felt so de-stressed in weeks. You should try it.
Book of the Week: Bossypants by Tina Fey. Tina Fey has a witty stream-of-consciousness style that makes you feel like you're sitting against the bleachers with your best buddy. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. If looking back isn't your thing, this is a good 'water break.' I'd do both.

Imperfect Action

This past weekend, I got to be a part of the National League of American PEN women's presentation, awarding generous scholarships to women in art, music, letters. I told the Race Story (as it's come to be known in our family.) How my daughter once joined the track team and was invited to this big meet where she could join any event she dared. We all went to watch, lugging babies and babydom to what felt like the other side of the country. (It was really just a half hour away.) But we couldn't see my daughter. Which race was she participating in? We finally spotted her sitting in the middle of the field chatting with friends. When I went to find out why she wasn't running any of races, she mumbled,
"I don't want to. What if I lose?"
"Just run the race, Love. Run the race."
Her raw fear feels true to me everyday--it's so much easier to sit on the field (whether you have finals coming, a concert, a book project, whatever) then to stand up and give the project in your heart your damndest and fail.
I still congratulate these young National Pen women scholarship applicants for running the race. For winning.
Along this theme, fellow author Jane Parks-McKay pointed me to a great video: Artist Michele Theberge talks about how to move forward when your mind is giving you a thousand reasons why not to work on your project : I don't know how to start it. I don't have all the research. I don't have all the materials. Who will be interested? She calls it Imperfect Action and says, "Just take one step. Action begets action." A great reminder. (www.themindfulartist.com/2011/05/whats-so-great-about-perfect/
Book of the Week: Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown . The book's construction was fascinating, told from the we-POV of the sisters. It was as if these three sisters were one body telling this story. For that alone, I think it is worth the read. That and the lovely turns of phrase. The plot? Uh--well, that kind of fell off the table....

***As a side note: If you know of any young (I know we're all young, but in this case highschool and college age young) female artists, musicians, writers, who are live in the Bay Area, point them in the direction of the National Pen Women. The scholarship info for next year should be up on the website in a couple of months. http://www.nlapwsantaclara.org/.